Do you say yes even when your plate is already full? You’re juggling work deadlines, family drama, and attempting a social life while trying to avoid burnout. But you’re going to help Stephanie move furniture next weekend? In this economy?
Many people struggle with saying no to more, even when they’re already stressed. Maybe you want to maintain your role as a reliable friend, or maybe you don’t want to miss out on a chance at a promotion. Or maybe you just don’t want to be rude. But too many yeses can lead to burnout, resentment, and even more stress than those brownie points would be worth.
Fortunately, you can learn to set boundaries, or limits on how you spend your time and energy. This may mean declining invitations or accepting them under certain conditions that protect your mental health. Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but planning what to say now can help boost your confidence to draw the line when it’s time.
How do I know I need to set boundaries?
Boundaries can benefit anyone’s relationship, work life, or social life. It may be time to be selective with how you use your time and energy if:
- You frequently agree to go to events you don’t want to go to
- You regret taking on responsibilities you don’t have time for
- You feel resentful towards people you say yes to
- You feel little joy or benefit from what you agree to
- Your agenda makes you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious
Why do I overcommit?
You probably want to do the thing! But if you’re saying yes when you don’t want to, it might be because:
- You don’t want to disappoint or upset others
- You want to be viewed positively
- You were taught as a child to be agreeable
- You were met with negative reactions in the past when saying no
- FOMO
- You just don’t know how to say no
Statements you can use to say no
It’s okay to be out of practice. We’ve got you covered with 18 ways to decline and state your needs firmly, clearly, and politely.
6 Key Statements
These six statements can help maintain your time boundaries in a pinch.
- Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. — This validates the asker while being honest about your needs.
- Let me think about it. — Saves you time to think about whether or not you actually want to do it.
- I can’t do that, but I can do this. — If you want to help but can’t do the full extent, offer what you can do instead. Apply this to scheduling too!
- I can only stay for an hour. — Time boundaries are great baby steps. Enlist someone on your support team if you need help reinforcing a time limit.
- I know I said yes, but realized I have too much going on right now. — It’s okay to change your mind after re-evaluating.
- I promised my partner/therapist/bestie I would leave more “me time” in my schedule. — Afraid to offend? Name drop a consenting, trusted supporter.
At work
How do you professionally say, “that’s not part of my job”? Laura Whaley’s viral Tiktok series featuring Work Bestie suggests “I am not the correct person to assist with this but I am happy to connect you with [Name].” We’ve rounded up a few more statements you can use to help maintain a healthy work-life balance:
- Do you have time to talk about this on Monday instead?
- I can’t add anything more to my to-do list at the moment.
- This sounds like something I can help you with on a work day. My hourly rate is….
- I would be happy to help, but I need a day or two to prepare.
- My work day ends at 5pm, but I have time tomorrow morning to pick this up.
- I will not be answering emails while on vacation, but (Name) can help you while I’m gone.
In your social life
Whether you really want to go out with friends on Friday or not, you may still need a break. Here’s how to decline:
- Thank you for asking, but I don’t think that’s going to work out for me.
- No, sorry, that’s not really my thing.
- We have family time Sunday evenings, so we won’t be able to make it.
- I would love to hang out, but my calendar’s pretty full this week. How about next?
- That sounds really fun, but I can’t make it.
- I don’t think I’ll have the energy to do that. How about ___ instead?
Difficulty enforcing boundaries?
Setting and enforcing boundaries may be stressful, but the benefits of having your boundaries respected are worth it. And your time and energy deserve respect.
If fear keeps you from saying no, underlying conditions may be oppressing your life. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and low self-esteem are some mental health conditions that may make saying no difficult. But they don’t have to. When you’re ready to get serious about stress relief, consider speaking to a professional about your desire to set healthy boundaries.
Our therapists at Austin Anxiety and Trauma Specialists offer online counseling to all residents of Texas and in-person sessions at our Austin branch. Book a session with us today and we’ll match you with a therapist who can help you find the relief you deserve.
